12 years.

A lot can happen in 12 years! 

So theres a ton going on in our lives right now, it's crazy! All good things but lots of stress too. 

Before I go into that though, Yesterday we were laying in bed, watching zootopia for the 800th time with our darling daughter and Yuriy reminds me that Thursday is the 6th. Which some of you may be thinking, "how in the world? he doesn't talk" well folks he doesn't talk but he communicates in a way I still cannot describe very well, his brother describes is at Pictionary without the pictures lol. Anyways, Yuriy has a memory you would not believe, I call him my  calendar because amazingly enough, even though is vision is bad and cannot see a calendar, he knows dates and days and times really well! 

Ok back to what I was saying, he reminded me its October 6th coming up which is the day we met, 12 years ago! I asked him if he's happy he met me, he smiled and shook his head yes. And I am of course happy we met! This isn't the way we imagined our life would be. But I think we both knew from the moment we met we would be together for a long time. There are days that go by that I do not think of what if's, there are days and weeks that I don't cry about loosing his abilities. Is that healing? I think so. Or maybe it's that we have been so busy and happy that I have no time to think about those things, which is probably why I stay insanely busy, its easier than dealing with all of those emotions. They never go away, I think I am just better at ignoring them. 

I can still see him walking out of the house the day I met him, skinny skater jeans, Jim Morrison t-shirt and a flannel. Tall and of course cute! It's where it all began.Sitting in his jeep for hours on end listening to music, talking for hours and hours. Never wanting to leave each other's side. 

If we didn't meet, fall in love right then and there, where would either of us be? Crazy to think. I am so thankful God or the universe brought us together. My life is hard, being his caregiver is hard but loving him has never been hard. I have loved him that day 12 years ago and to this day right now. Our love has evolved, changed to deeper and stronger, its been tested to the limit. But it's also rewarded us with our little one. She is the light of our life, she reminds us to be happy and excited for the littlest things. 

So as many of you know, we bought another house! We had been looking for a long time for a larger home and one that is accessible. Which is impossible to find! But we found one, in a wonderful area and now we have to renovate the bathroom, part of the basement for a in law suite and painting ect. We are so blessed to have the Chicago fire department come in an do all of the outdoor stuff we wouldn't be able to afford to do for a while. They are putting in a cement ramp in the front, making a HUGE deck in the back and putting a fence up. It is a true blessing to have people want to help our family even after 10 years of injury. They are our family and are eternally grateful for everything they are doing. (Will post more pictures soon! My computer is not letting me post anymore) 

Cannot wait to move into our new house! This whole going between two house with a disabled husband and a two, almost three year old is very difficult to say the least, but I know it will be worth it :) 

<3 
Aimee Z.

It takes a village.

It takes a village.
They say that about raising children (which is true) but also fits with caring for a loved one with a brain injury. As much as I don't like to admit it, I am only one person. Shocking I know but it's true. 
If it weren't for our main support system, we would not have gotten very far.
Tasks like going to the store can be a two person job for sure, one person to push the cart and Adelina and another to push Yuriy. It is sometimes the simplest tasks that can be the hardest. Going to a store without doors that open automatically can be a huge pain, the other day we went to the mall and of course I forgot and parked near the non automatic doors, well his brother Andriy was pushing Yuriy and I had Addie in the stroller, and some lady walked right past us with no offer of holding the door, which happens often, but the funny thing is she was wearing an American flag shirt. Well lady way to be patriotic and not hold the door open for a veteran lol. 

I am so thankful for my parents, they are always helping and are very supportive in anyway they can be. I know this is not true for some but I am very lucky to have the best parents. 

I know that Yuriy's mom and dad are also a big part of his recovery, they may not be here on this physical earth but they are with him daily.

Yuriy's brother Andriy took over the role of daytime caregiver a few years ago and I am so thankful for that. We had a few caregivers from agencies come out to help me during the day but none of them worked out, we have a lot of horror stories about them (we will save that for another blog). But nothing compares to family taking care of family. Yuriy is so much more himself when his brother is with him, they really are best friends and it makes me happy to see. His brother also has a wonderful girlfriend who helps us when she can and that is awesome! 

We are so blessed to have a large family, I have two brothers, a sister in law and four crazy nephews that we love so much. I am so happy Adelina gets to grow up with her cousins and uncles and aunt. She loves when we go out of Saturdays with her cousins. Not to mention family near and far. 

We have had so much help over the years it would be impossible to write everyone and every organization down although I could :) But to know that strangers are willing to help you even though they have never met you is the most amazing feeling in the world. To know that people took time out of their day and helped us, whether is was a benefit,  work being done to our house, volunteering to clean our yard, sending a card, sending a Facebook message, those that pray for us, calling to check up on us, inviting us to outing and events, raised a service dog or sending Yuriy out of town for treatment know that we are thankful. I wish I was better at writing thank you notes but just please know that we are so very thankful and think of these things that have been done for us often. 

Meeting families that are going through similar life struggles have been a huge part of my well being, knowing that I am not the only one going through this crazy brain injury caregiver life is comforting and sad at the same time. No one wishes they could become a part of this club but here we are. And we are one of the toughest groups I know. But we gain strength and knowledge from each other. I have learned more from sitting in a waiting room with moms, dads, brothers and sisters that are caring for their loved one than I could have ever learned in a classroom. I have been guided by many for different ways to help Yuriy heal and help him get as far as he can. We all share a certain drive that cannot be derailed easily. Not to mention that brain injury survivors themselves. They are tough and don't give up which helps Yuriy see that he should keep going too. 

Doctors that believe the brain can heal itself. Doctors that actually listen to the wife when she says maybe he should go off of this medication and they actually listen. Doctors that will continue therapy even after others have said well he has platued at a certain level. Nurses and other medical professional that treat Yuriy like a human. They talk to him and ask him questions even though he can speak, they try to communicate with him, instead of talking just to me. And thank you for taking care of my husband when he gets too sick for me to care for him. Physical therapist and trainers that push themselves and Yuriy to the max. 

His speech therapist at the VA is also amazing and has seen from day one that he has the ability to communicate and that he is 100% aware and understands every thing. She continues to try to get him the best technology the VA can buy to help him get his point across. It is a tricky road but I am glad she hasn't given up on him, like others have. 

My best friend Amber. 

Finding our faith again and joining the Ukrainian orthodox church has been a much needed piece in our life, they bring us happiness and friendship that we were very much missing. We have met many lifelong friends. 

Fellow veterans. No long explanation needed, they just get it. They look at him with respect and appreciation. They thank him and truly care what is going on with him. 



Brando Yury's service dog has made a huge impact on our life. He calms Yuriy's anxiety when most can't. He is a great companion and friend. 

Last but not least our daughter, she is the light of our life and mommy and daddy's little helper. She takes good care of her daddy and truly has made our life better. 

There are many more people that I would love to include but I'm afraid this will turn into a novel. 

But even with all of that, there are tough days that cannot be avoided, but I just hold my head high and know that tomorrow is another day to try again. I think that those days are just as important because they make you appreciate the good days, they are important because we are human and need to know that its ok not to be ok all of the time. 

Hope all of you know that we are thankful you are in our lives, whether its a big part or little, it means a lot to us. 

Well off to bed I go. Hope you all have a great night! 

<3 Aimee Z

Life goes on..

How can I go for days, weeks and sometimes months not thinking about how life could have been, how my life with Yuriy before he was injured was like a fairytale? I know its because its pointless  really. We live in the present. 2016. But there are days or mostly nights that these memories, thoughts, pictures creep through my wall I built in my brain. And just like that I am there. The pain is real. The way he would always be excited to talk to me, or see me. As I was equally excited to see him. We could and would talk for hours, shortly after starting to date he sent me a phone on his plan so I wouldn't go broke with long distance bills. (I got a bill for $300!)

As hard as it is to look back, its important too. That is where our love began and our souls connected.
I look at our life today and I am happy, most days. Life is not like a movie, its not always pretty or perfect but its life. We go shopping, to therapy, to the zoo, swim lessons for our daughter, we own a home, we have love for each other and our family. I feel somewhat "normal" which is something I never thought I would say. Its a new different normal but still normal. We have a group of people that have become like family, finding our church was really something we needed. It gives us something else to focus on besides therapies and doctor visits. They make us feel like we belong there, which in the 10 years of his injury has been very difficult to find. They don't stare at Yuriy or look at us with pity, they treat us like the normal family. I love that Adelina will grow up learning about our faith and also making friends along the way. I didn't realize we were missing that part of our life but we were.

Brain injury is like a family member that no one likes. But its permanent so we just get used to having it around. I feel like i have slowed down from when he was first injured. I would spend hours and hours on the computer looking for a cure, treatment, anything to get my husband back.
He has tried so many things, some of which he loved and others he hated, but he still did them. But right now I know he is doing the most he can and he is happy even with his disability, which has given me a new perspective. And to be honest I am tired, I am a mommy to a very active toddler and it really limits your ability to function well :)
We are enjoying our lives instead of always searching, there has to be a balance. It took me years to find it though and I still have guilt that he may get better through something that I haven't found yet. I wish and pray for him to wake up one day and talk or walk or be able to see clearly but I know that its not up to me.
I wish Adelina could have met her daddy before and know how fun he was, I can see him throwing her in the air, giving piggy back rides, running after her, teaching her how to skateboard. But she does know her daddy, she knows him better that anyone. Her daddy is strong, brave and never gives up, he loves her more than life itself. Those things are the important ones. She knows her mommy would do anything to help her and show her the best life possible. She is growing up to be an extraordinary little human.

It has been some time since I wrote a blog post, but I thought it may be time to start again and see how it goes.

<3 aimee