Life goes on..

How can I go for days, weeks and sometimes months not thinking about how life could have been, how my life with Yuriy before he was injured was like a fairytale? I know its because its pointless  really. We live in the present. 2016. But there are days or mostly nights that these memories, thoughts, pictures creep through my wall I built in my brain. And just like that I am there. The pain is real. The way he would always be excited to talk to me, or see me. As I was equally excited to see him. We could and would talk for hours, shortly after starting to date he sent me a phone on his plan so I wouldn't go broke with long distance bills. (I got a bill for $300!)

As hard as it is to look back, its important too. That is where our love began and our souls connected.
I look at our life today and I am happy, most days. Life is not like a movie, its not always pretty or perfect but its life. We go shopping, to therapy, to the zoo, swim lessons for our daughter, we own a home, we have love for each other and our family. I feel somewhat "normal" which is something I never thought I would say. Its a new different normal but still normal. We have a group of people that have become like family, finding our church was really something we needed. It gives us something else to focus on besides therapies and doctor visits. They make us feel like we belong there, which in the 10 years of his injury has been very difficult to find. They don't stare at Yuriy or look at us with pity, they treat us like the normal family. I love that Adelina will grow up learning about our faith and also making friends along the way. I didn't realize we were missing that part of our life but we were.

Brain injury is like a family member that no one likes. But its permanent so we just get used to having it around. I feel like i have slowed down from when he was first injured. I would spend hours and hours on the computer looking for a cure, treatment, anything to get my husband back.
He has tried so many things, some of which he loved and others he hated, but he still did them. But right now I know he is doing the most he can and he is happy even with his disability, which has given me a new perspective. And to be honest I am tired, I am a mommy to a very active toddler and it really limits your ability to function well :)
We are enjoying our lives instead of always searching, there has to be a balance. It took me years to find it though and I still have guilt that he may get better through something that I haven't found yet. I wish and pray for him to wake up one day and talk or walk or be able to see clearly but I know that its not up to me.
I wish Adelina could have met her daddy before and know how fun he was, I can see him throwing her in the air, giving piggy back rides, running after her, teaching her how to skateboard. But she does know her daddy, she knows him better that anyone. Her daddy is strong, brave and never gives up, he loves her more than life itself. Those things are the important ones. She knows her mommy would do anything to help her and show her the best life possible. She is growing up to be an extraordinary little human.

It has been some time since I wrote a blog post, but I thought it may be time to start again and see how it goes.

<3 aimee